10 Quick Techniques to Lower Anxiety

When anxiety gets the best of you, you may not feel like you have time to stop and address it. But coping with anxiety can be quick work. Try these 10 quick methods to calm down now:

1.     Breathe and count

One of the best ways to manage anxiety is mindful breathing. Take a moment to focus your attention on your breathing. Count as you breathe in. Hold a moment. Then count again as you breathe out. Repeat this for 10 cycles of inhaling and exhaling. You’ll feel calmer when you finish.

2.     Find a quiet space

Sometimes life is too hectic, and everything is bombarding you all at once. With work, family, tv, radio, traffic… it’s easy to become overwhelmed. When you’re feeling stressed, step away from the circus. Close your office (or bedroom) door. Or find a nice shady spot outside. And just enjoy a moment of peace. You’ll be glad you did.

3.     Take a walk

Nature is very soothing. Exercise is a great natural treatment for anxiety. Why not get the best of both by taking a walk? Walk to work if you can, or down to the corner market. Take a walk in your neighborhood, or in a local park. Walking is a terrific way to manage anxiety, and it’s great for your overall health, too!

4.     Turn the lights down

When you’re feeling stressed and anxious, your senses can feel inundated with “too much.” Too much light, too much clutter, or too many tasks that you cannot complete. It can help to take 5 minutes to sit in the dark or semi-dark. Give your eyes a break from those harsh florescent office lights, or the flashiness of a backlit digital screen. You’ll be more relaxed.

5.     Take a water break

When we’re stressed, most of us forget self-care. But by ignoring our bodies, we accidentally elevate all the stress more. Step back from your routine, and grab a beverage. Hydrate. Take care of yourself. Relax. Ah! That’s better!

6.     Grab a hug

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, there’s nothing better than a warm hug to soothe your soul. Hugs are sometimes the best medicine. If you have a loved one or friend nearby and you’re feeling anxious, ask for a hug. You’ll be glad you did.

7.     Call or text a loved one

If there’s no one around to offer you a warm hug, sometimes a call or text to connect can feel just a good as a loving embrace. Reach out to someone with whom you feel a strong, loving bond. Say “I miss you.” Or, “I care.” Or “I’m feeling stressed.” Ask for a little of that person’s time. Your anxiety will settle down fast.

8.     Ponder on gratitudes

Gratitudes have a way of filling up our hearts and minds, and thereby pushing all our woes and worries out of the way. Take a moment to note something for which you feel truly grateful. Wallow in the gratitude. Keep your mind present for just a few moments. Now isn’t that better?

9.     Write it down

Writing is a great way to ventilate anxiety. Whether it’s a fictional story that captures all the emotions you’re feeling, a journal entry describing your difficult day, or simply a to do list with all the things you need to get done, writing something down helps bring it outside of you and you feel a little less stressed.

10. Tell yourself you’re doing a good job

Above all, make sure you’re managing your harsh inner critic if you’re feeling anxious. You’re doing your best, and that’s all you can do. So give yourself some inner words of encouragement. Tell yourself, hey, good job! It’s the kindest thing you can do.

Porn at Children's Fingertips

Smart phones may be the most amazing invention of our time. Talk, text, chat… But that’s just the beginning. You can take out your phone and in seconds have answers to previously unknown questions. How many more miles to the next turn off? What’s the capital of Venezuela? What is the average age that a child will first view pornography?

Statistics place that number somewhere between 8 and 11 years old. 

One of my own kids clicked in error at age 4 and up popped two adults having intercourse. Luckily there was a parent in the room to shut down the video quickly, and such a young child didn’t understand the image (she called it a “creepy two headed spider monster”). We learned it was time for tighter controls on technology in our home. Parental controls on desktop computers are common, but restricting access to harmful content on every device, every day is necessary to keep kids safe from adult content. How many devices in the average home offer unrestricted access to the internet?

Younger children may click the wrong button and see something they don’t understand, but when kids reach early adolescence, they might start looking for answers to questions parents’ haven’t provided. What is sex really like? A quick search turns up any number of examples of “real” sex a 5th or 6th grader can click and view.

Increasingly, parents take kids for psychological assessment after discovering the kid has been accessing pornography. Many kids (both boys and girls) are immersed in a secret, shameful world of porn viewing for months before parents catch them. Some say they feel drawn to the images, but also anxious and overwhelmed by them. Parents notice changes in mood and behavior, and only later find the underlying cause. 

What can parents do?

Prevention:

Stay up to date
    Know what technologies your kids are using. Understand what they do so you can oversee properly. Don’t allow your kids to use an app or program you don’t understand.

Technology controls
     Most technologies have the capacity for parental controls to restrict the content. If you’re not tech savvy, you may need to seek the support of an IT expert to set these up effectively. When purchasing a device for kids to use, request sales associates to install parental controls from the get go.

Supervision
    Devices in children’s bedrooms or other unsupervised areas create the greatest opportunity for inappropriate content. Bring your kids out into common areas of the home for technology usage.

If you find out your child has viewed pornography:

Ask exactly what he or she saw, and how/why the incident occurred
    Did your 5-year-old click a pop-up add? Or did your twelve-year-old search the word “sex?” 

Talk about the incident openly
    If you get angry and lose control, your child might not tell you the truth next time. If you avoid the subject because it feels awkward, your child has to sort through an adult problem alone. Gather your composure, and have a talk with the affected child.

Set rules and close the gaps
    No more internet accessing devices out of plain view. New controls. Improved oversight. If your child stumbles upon inappropriate content, you’ll want to make sure s/he can’t do it again.

If you feel overwhelmed, talk to a counselor for help
    Counseling professionals for kids and adolescents are seeing this problem more and more, and most can guide through the family talks and the new technologies. Find someone with experience and get help if you need it.

Dear Teacher, How Can I Express the Thanks You Deserve?

I found out this week that the most amazing teacher I know is retiring, so in honor of her, and all the wonderful teachers who have touched my kids lives and so many other families’ as well, this week's blog post is for you:

Dear Amazing Teacher,

I knew I liked you the day I met you, with your welcoming smile and your warm hugs for uneasy incoming students. But I grew to LOVE you when you spoke with me at the end of the first day of school. 

“Mrs. Deuter?” You said.  “I don’t want you to be alarmed, but your son had kind-of a tough day. He didn’t eat his carefully packed lunch and he didn’t want to play or interact with the other kids at recess. I tried to nudge him to go play with the kids, but he started to cry, so I just held him on my lap. I’m sure he’ll warm up. Just thought you should know.”

We talked every day for the first two weeks of school, just to check in. Everyday he rejected lunch. Everyday you held him close at recess. He came home after school and crashed out on the couch from the exhaustion of the day. He was clearly feeling overwhelmed. You assured me he would adjust, that in twenty years of teaching, they always adjusted. So we hung in there. And then one day he hopped up and trotted off to swing at recess without looking back, and that was that.

Your gentleness and patience had gotten him through. I’m sure you might have liked to take a break for yourself during recess, maybe sneak off to the restroom, during those long two weeks. But you apparently cared more about a nervous little boy than your own personal needs.

In itself, what you had done would have been heroic, shepherding not just him, but his parents through those stressful days. But that was just the beginning. Within a few more weeks, my anxious boy began to say he loved his teacher and he loved his school. You taught him that school was a wonderland of fun. That teachers were silly and full of energy and lots and lots of hugs. And you taught him to love to read by dressing up as Russell the Farting Dog. You laid the foundation for how he would feel about school. You were safe and joyful and fabulous.

Two years later, we were blessed to have our daughter land in your classroom, too. You taught her that dancing in the morning would warm up her brain for learning. She still does that. You demonstrated that living your passions is beautiful. She wanted to be you. You told her if she really runs for president some day, you’ll definitely vote for her. She has never forgotten that.

At parent conferences, you placed your hand warmly over your heart and looked us in the eyes and said, “I love your child so much,” and you clearly meant it. I bet you said that to many, many parents over the years, and I believe it was absolutely true every time. 

Children thrive on warmth and love and every parent wants to send their child into a classroom as full of it as yours was. It was no coincidence that experienced parents requested to have their kids in your room. They wanted to benefit from your magic, have it pay dividends for years to come like it has for my family.

How does a parent thank a teacher for what you have given us? Are there even words? You exemplify the idea that teaching is a calling, a labor of love. The bonds you’ve made with my children, and countless others in all your years of teaching have been the foundation for their educational lives. You taught them how to learn, and most importantly, how to have fun doing it. Teaching really can change the world. And you changed ours for the better!

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and from every parent who has been honored to have a child land in your loving, giving hands. Enjoy retirement, take a bathroom break when you need one, and know what an impact you’ve made!

Grateful Parent

For Patti SampsonC

The Meaningful Life

Last week, I had a session with a struggling twenty-something. He was angry and disheartened about life. He said the values his culture taught him had proven worthless in the real world. (Young people tell me this often). He said he is unable to find hope in the world. Although a great student, he found no pleasure or usefulness in achieving. His parents told him, “Just study. You’ll feel better after you score well on the exam.” So he studied, but after the exam, he still felt lost, alone, and as though life was inherently meaningless. Same with work. He was told, “Earn a little money working in a retail store. Money will make you feel independent. Then you’ll feel better.” But work didn’t provide what he was looking for either.

He’s been searching for a life of meaning, and he doesn’t know where to look. Evening practicing his faith isn’t helping him.

We started to talk about what gives life meaning, and what he wished had been taught to him as a child. We made a list of four things he wished had been part of his upbringing, things that might guide him now in young adulthood to find meaning and build a good life.

1.    Material things and achievements are equally hollow. 
We all know that material things can’t provide happiness. But what about achievements? Achievement continues to be encouraged and touted as a meaningful part of life. While achievement can provide some satisfaction if the end goal is truly something important, achievement just for the sake of winning is fools gold for most young people. 
Rather than being told to study and earn high grades or to run for class office and win, he wished he had been taught to love learning and to lead as a way of doing his part for the group, not just trying to win.

2.    Work only feels meaningful when it helps someone.
Working in a retail store can feel meaningful, but not because he was earning money. The real value of the work was found in providing a useful service to customers. Connecting with people. Being a resource. 
Rather than “get a job and you’ll have money,” he wished he had known to look for a way to serve his fellow man.

3.    Have relationships that are real, genuine, and true.
Trying to win all the time led to isolation. Peers were the enemy, not a source of connection or support. Now as a young adult, there’s no skillset for connecting and trusting others. 
Rather than pushing past peers to get ahead, he wished he had been taught to find true friends, to seek out genuine, “real” relationships and connect with others in an honest and vulnerable way.

4.    A quiet life is enough.
Fighting for A’s and admission to the best university was very distracting and hectic. There was always something “urgent” to worry about: a big project, a college admissions essay.
Rather than fighting and struggling to sift through all the noise, he wished he had just experienced more moments of quiet and appreciated the value of those.

I thought this was an insightful list. As we raise kids and prepare them for adult lives, we may be steering them toward feelings of isolation and meaninglessness when we value academic or financial gain. 

What do you think?