Smart phones may be the most amazing invention of our time. Talk, text, chat… But that’s just the beginning. You can take out your phone and in seconds have answers to previously unknown questions. How many more miles to the next turn off? What’s the capital of Venezuela? What is the average age that a child will first view pornography?
Statistics place that number somewhere between 8 and 11 years old.
One of my own kids clicked in error at age 4 and up popped two adults having intercourse. Luckily there was a parent in the room to shut down the video quickly, and such a young child didn’t understand the image (she called it a “creepy two headed spider monster”). We learned it was time for tighter controls on technology in our home. Parental controls on desktop computers are common, but restricting access to harmful content on every device, every day is necessary to keep kids safe from adult content. How many devices in the average home offer unrestricted access to the internet?
Younger children may click the wrong button and see something they don’t understand, but when kids reach early adolescence, they might start looking for answers to questions parents’ haven’t provided. What is sex really like? A quick search turns up any number of examples of “real” sex a 5th or 6th grader can click and view.
Increasingly, parents take kids for psychological assessment after discovering the kid has been accessing pornography. Many kids (both boys and girls) are immersed in a secret, shameful world of porn viewing for months before parents catch them. Some say they feel drawn to the images, but also anxious and overwhelmed by them. Parents notice changes in mood and behavior, and only later find the underlying cause.
What can parents do?
Prevention:
Stay up to date
Know what technologies your kids are using. Understand what they do so you can oversee properly. Don’t allow your kids to use an app or program you don’t understand.
Technology controls
Most technologies have the capacity for parental controls to restrict the content. If you’re not tech savvy, you may need to seek the support of an IT expert to set these up effectively. When purchasing a device for kids to use, request sales associates to install parental controls from the get go.
Supervision
Devices in children’s bedrooms or other unsupervised areas create the greatest opportunity for inappropriate content. Bring your kids out into common areas of the home for technology usage.
If you find out your child has viewed pornography:
Ask exactly what he or she saw, and how/why the incident occurred
Did your 5-year-old click a pop-up add? Or did your twelve-year-old search the word “sex?”
Talk about the incident openly
If you get angry and lose control, your child might not tell you the truth next time. If you avoid the subject because it feels awkward, your child has to sort through an adult problem alone. Gather your composure, and have a talk with the affected child.
Set rules and close the gaps
No more internet accessing devices out of plain view. New controls. Improved oversight. If your child stumbles upon inappropriate content, you’ll want to make sure s/he can’t do it again.
If you feel overwhelmed, talk to a counselor for help
Counseling professionals for kids and adolescents are seeing this problem more and more, and most can guide through the family talks and the new technologies. Find someone with experience and get help if you need it.